


RANTIPOLE

by gumscale



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, android users sookai, anw happy birthday to my man soobin, but a cute clown, he calls soobin's plant guy, hyuka is a clown, random texts and stupid twitter wars, why did i even write this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27881181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gumscale/pseuds/gumscale
Summary: Someone else made the unforgivable mistake of buying an android and got it switched with Kai's. Despite the immediate kinship he feels with this mystery guy who has his phone, Kai justreallywants his phone back.The last thing he's expecting is to fall hopelessly in love with the said guy.(But of course, that's exactly what happens.)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai, Choi Soobin & Huening Kai, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	RANTIPOLE

**Author's Note:**

> i tried my best to finish this one for soobin's birthday but exams week says hi. i promise to get the second part soon though, don't worry!
> 
> hope you enjoy :)

For as long as he can remember, the background image on Kai’s cellphone has been an old photograph of his mother. He's always loved that picture. His dad took it when they were just turning twenty, highschool sweethearts navigating college together, and she's smiling, bright and easy, turning to face the camera with a look of complete adoration in her light brown eyes. It's not visible in the photo, but there must be a slight swell to her belly, concealed by a green summer dress.

It's Kai’s photographic debut, and he hasn't looked as photogenic since, sadly.

He loves that photograph, likes looking at it every time he checks his messages or his e-mails, which is why he immediately notices that this _isn't_ his phone.

"Well, shit," he says aloud, startling a passing teenage girl. He gestures an apology before furrowing his brow and inspecting the Samsung in his hand.

It's definitely not his. For a start, the background is just a stupid picture of some fucking _plants_. Whoever's phone this is must be the most boring person ever to have come kicking and screaming into this world. Who honestly chooses to have a picture of foliage as the default image on their cellphone? Even herbologists probably choose photographs of their friends or family, drunk pictures taken on nights out, or photos of sticky children with grass-stained knees. Not plants.

Kai turns the phone over.

It's almost completely unscratched, which is a stark contrast to Kai’s own phone. A deadly combination of gangly limbs that he never quite grew into and a tendency to flail when excited – which is always – has led to Kai’s phone becoming more battle-scarred than an extra in one of those World War films his dad likes to watch on Sunday afternoons.

He groans. How did he manage to switch his phone with someone else? For a start, that means someone else made the unforgivable mistake of buying an android. He immediately feels some sort of kinship with his phonemate. They have both suffered at the hands of a phone that refuses to cooperate 80% of the time – although admittedly, the other person probably has the raw end of the deal here, considering Kai’s Samsung has been through a laundry cycle and a rainstorm and coincidentally is no longer in possession of a working speaker.

He's contemplating the relative excellence of this phone when he remembers that he's supposed to be meeting Yuna like five minutes ago. She's going to murder him.

He breaks into a sprint.

Kai arrives at the café nearly ten minutes late, wheezing and sweating unattractively. Yuna is sat at their usual table with a cup of coffee. She looks, as always, perfectly put together. Kai feels more than slightly self-aware. He breathes in an attempt to pull himself together and plops himself down in the chair opposite Yuna. Upon meeting his eye, she raises one perfectly plucked eyebrow and her lips pucker slightly. She's not best pleased.

"You're late, Huening," she says. Kai groans.

"Dude, don't even," he sighs. It still feels weird calling Yuna 'dude'. It's taken five years of unreciprocated love, several lengthy conversations and four boyfriends (on her part) to get to this stage, but it's worth it, Kai thinks. They work well as friends.

Yuna frowns.

"Did something happen?" she asks, concerned. Kai shakes his head.

"Nothing major," he assures her. "But also the single worst thing in the world."

He digs around in his jeans pocket and pulls out the phone, placing it on the table in front of Yuna. She takes one look at it and her eyes widen in surprise.

"That's not your phone," she says. Kai blinks.

"How did you know?"

Yuna shoots him a mildly withering glare.

"Please," she says. "Your phone looks like it's been eaten, digested and excreted. This one has clearly been taken care of."

Kai can't argue with this. He sighs again.

"I need my phone," he whines. "How else can I tease Taehyun about his crush every few minutes? How am I supposed to send Jungkook pictures of tomatoes and someone’s ass when I know he's in class? I can't live like this, Yuna. Not in a first world country."

Yuna rolls her eyes.

"Don't be so melodramatic."

"Sorry if the complete cessation of my life is inconvenient to you," mutters Kai. He leans forward and rests his head on the table. He just wants an easy life. "The worst thing is that I don't even know whose phone it is. There's no pictures on it or anything. Unless he's a forest, that is, in which case I think I should probably wash my hands before prepYeonjung food."

"You never prepare food," Yuna points out. "And that's a Samsung, right?"

Kai nods, although he's aware that, given his current position, it's probably imperceptible.

"You can totally find out who this belongs to, Kai," Yuna sighs. Kai looks up. This is news to him. Yuna is holding the phone now, and Kai is suddenly very worried that she's going to do something completely insane, like try and contact someone on speed dial.

"Don't do that!" he hisses, scrambling to get the phone back. Yuna holds it out of his reach, reflexes as annoyingly fast as ever, and raises an eyebrow. Kai pouts. "I don't want to talk to one of Plant Guy's friends. I was figuring on just ringing my phone from this one, then arranging to meet up and swap our phones back. I mean, he must have mine if I have his, right?"

"One would assume so." Yuna looks at the phone again, her perfect features arranged in a way that Kai knows means she's thinking as hard as she can. Suddenly, her eyes light up. "I've got it," she says. "This thing is connected to Twitter, right?"

Kai groans.

"I am _not_ looking through someone else's Twitter, Yuna!" he says. "That's creepy. Borderline illegal, probably."

Yuna sighs.

"I'll do it, then."

Kai is powerless to stop her. He probably couldn't even physically overpower her, not that he'd want to. Yuna has been the cause of too many bruises on Kai’s body after drunken nights out, and not in the way he used to hope for. He decides to leave her to it and order a coffee. He's only had eight cups today and he's starting to get the shakes. He offers her one last disapproving look and stands up to join the queue at the counter.

By the time he's returned with the largest espresso he can legally buy, Yuna is sitting with the phone on the table in front of her, her hands in her lap and the smuggest shit-eating grin that Kai has ever seen on anyone who isn't Jungkook.

"What?" he questions carefully, putting the coffee on the table and sitting down.

Yuna beams.

"This phone belongs to a Mister Choi Soobin," she says. "And he's a regulation hottie."

She pushes the phone towards Kai with her index finger, and he picks it up, squinting at the screen. He can make out the Twitter profile of someone called Choi Soobin. He feels more than a little sullied by this. He's never been one for Twitter stalking. Even when Taehyun broke up with Jungkook for a week in senior year, Kai flatly refused to help him trawl through his Twitter information in search of any clues as to why the relationship wasn't working.

Well, fuck it. Yuna says this guy is a hottie. Kai isn't one to judge before he has all the relevant data. He's a scientist.

He looks a little more closely at the screen.

He can see that Soobin's profile picture is a photograph of two people, a man with black hair and another with pink hair. Wow, someone actually dyes their hair _pink_. It looks like it was taken at a restaurant. The pink-haired man is grinning at the camera, his arm around the shoulders of the black-haired man, who looks like he's having trouble digesting his food.

Yuna was right, though. He's ridiculously good-looking in the way that mere mortals never really are, both of them are but the black-haired guy definitely takes the cake. With jaws that could probably cut glass and artfully slicked black hair and eyes that can see right into Kai’s goddamn soul. And dimples! He even has dimples dammit. He seems to suffer from the same defect of most insanely hot people, however, in that his personality appears to be lacking. His expression, Kai, thinks, could best be described as 'surly', and worst described as ‘constipated'.

Kai swallows.

"So he has a boyfriend," he says. Yuna shakes her head.

"You wouldn’t know," she counters. "I'm betting that's his brother."

Kai looks at her strangely. “They don’t even _look_ alike.”

“Well, looking at his twitter history—”

“No. Nonono nope.” Kai cuts her off. "You should not have read this dude's entire Twitter, you know. That's... yeah. That's weird."

Yuna shrugs.

"There's precious little eye candy around here," she says. "And you had the fortune of running into this guy!"

Kai narrows his eyes. He doesn't want to know what's in that sweetener Yuna puts in her coffee.

"I've never met him before in my life," he tells her. Yuna blinks at him, clearly waiting for him to make some sort of connection. When he fails to do so, she groans and rubs the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.

"Kai," she says slowly, like she's talking to a problem child. "You switched phones. You must have run into him _somewhere._ "

Oh. That would make sense. Kai blushes.

"Well, I don't remember him," he mumbles. "And, y'know, you'd think I would."

Yuna smirks.

"Do you know where your paths might have crossed?" she asks. Kai folds his arms and nods.

"I was at the gym with Taehyun this morning," he answers. "I took my phone out in the changing room to arrange to meet you. I guess it got switched then, while I was naked and defenseless."

"He's not a criminal, Kai," Yuna retorts. "He's an innocent victim in this, just like you. He's probably just as pissed as you are."

"I am not pissed!" cries Kai. "That is a baseless accusation with no basis in fact."

"Regardless," sighs Yuna, raising her hands in mock surrender. "You were in a room with this guy – who was probably naked at the time – and you _didn't notice him_? Seriously?"

Kai shakes his head mournfully. Yuna exhales loudly.

"What kind of bisexual male _are_ you?" she asks in wonder. Kai shrugs.

"I wasn't looking," he says, feeling his ears turn red. Yuna raises an eyebrow. "I wasn't!"

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

"Look," protests Kai. "I think, if I had been looking, I would have noticed this fucking demi-god in a glorious state of unclothedness. Now, stop looking at me like I'm some sort of experiment gone wrong and help me draft a coherent text to send to this guy that says 'I'm classy, available and really need my phone back'."

Yuna sighs like she's the most put-upon human being on Earth, but takes the Samsung and types something before handing it back to Kai.

"'Hi. I was at the gym earlier and I think we must have got our phones mixed up in the changing room. We should meet up over coffee and swap them back'," reads Kai. He raises his eyebrows warningly. "Really? That does not say 'classy and available'. That says 'I put out on a first date because my father never taught me better'."

Yuna shrugs.

"It'll get the job done."

Kai deletes what she's written and writes his own version. Slight infatuation aside, he really does need his phone back.

_Hey, sorry, this is going to be really annoying, but I think we switched phones at the gym earlier? Do you want to arrange a time we can switch them back?_  
**[Sent 16:06]**

Yuna pokes her tongue out.

"You're no fun," she says.

"Give me business over hot, sweaty pleasure any day," responds Kai.

"Bullshit," says Yuna, but she drops the subject.

Kai almost forgets that he's waiting for a text until he's alone in his apartment later that evening, poring over a Psychology textbook whilst attempting to cook a rudimentary stir fry. Multitasking has never really been his strong point. He can barely solo task. He's valiantly trying to mop up a rather messy soy sauce spillage when he feels the phone vibrate in his pocket. It's an unusual feeling – he always sets his phone to silent. Vibrate is just _annoying_ – and it makes him jump, sending another burst of soy sauce spreading over the kitchen counter. He curses under his breath, puts down the bottle and the tea towel, and takes out the phone.

_I think you're right.  
_ **[Received 18:33]**

_Unfortunately, I left town almost straight after the gym and won't be back until next week.  
If you feel you can cope until then, we can wait until then to exchange phones.  
Otherwise, I can post it back to you.  
_ **[Received 18:33]**

_I will, of course, borrow a friend's phone in the meantime._  
**[Received 18:34]**

Well. Turns out that Plant Guy – Soobin, Kai reminds himself – is possibly a robot. That would explain the oddly perfect appearance. He's probably a government experiment gone horribly right.

Kai taps out a reply.

_Ouch. Bad timing on my part, then.  
It's cool, I'm on contract so you can use that phone if you've memorized the numbers you need.  
_ **[Sent 18:37]**

_Thanks for trusting me not to change all your Twitter information, by the way._  
**[Sent 18:38]**

It takes Kai until after he's pressed the 'send' button to realize that he might as well just have announced 'hey, I'm a creeper, I stalked your entire Twitter profile and I haven't been locked up in jail yet!'.

You know what? Kai kind of hates his life. He actually thinks that 'life' might be pushing it a bit.

_Thank you.  
I'm on contract as well, so you can do the same.  
_ **[Received 18:44]**

_Did you look through my Twitter?_  
**[Received 18:44]**

Shit.

_Oh, no.  
_ **[Sent 18:47]**

_I mean, not really.  
I just wanted to see if I could work out who the phone belonged to, you know.  
Put a name to the face.  
_ **[Sent 18:47]**

_Not that I had a face, because I didn't remember you at all.  
_ **[Sent 18:48]**

_I didn't look at anything, is what I'm trying to say.  
I wouldn't do that, man.  
That's not right._  
**[Sent 18:49]**

_Good.  
_ **[Sent 18:53]**

_I'll be in touch about meeting to swap the phones back.  
Thank you again, Huening Kai._  
**[Received 18:55]**

Son of a _bitch_.

The next day is a total pain in Kai’s ass.

He's five minutes late for his first class – _five goddamn minutes_ – and the lecturer basically hands him his ass on a plate, garnished with white wine and broken dreams. His favorite lunch place is shut for refurbishments and he ends up buying a soggy tuna sub from the college canteen, which he attempts to eat in vain. It turns out that he did the wrong assignment questions and is forced to sneak out of his third class before someone asks him to answer a question that might as well be in Alien language.

He wants to call Yuna, but he doesn’t remember what her number is. He doesn't really have many options. He could call someone called Yeonjun, or some dude named Seokjin, but that's about it. Soobin's contacts list is surprisingly short.

_Hi! Hope your day is progressing better than mine.  
_ **[Sent 15:32]**

_Not that that's hard. My day is going so slowly that I might sign up for remedial classes._  
**[Sent 15:34]**

He doesn't really expect a reply. Soobin's probably got a really busy, fulfilling life. Heck, he's probably a model on the catwalks of Milan, or an artist with a weekend apartment in Paris and a beret. He could be a celebrity for all Kai knows.

He doesn't need that image in his head. Not while he's in the library, anyway. Maybe later, although he knows he'll feel guilty about it after he's finished.

_It's Tuesday. Do Tuesdays ever go well?_  
**[Received 15:41]**

Kai blinks, looks at the screen once more and blinks again. He types out a response, fingers flying over the keys. He's actually conversing with the hottest guy this side of the equator, albeit through the medium of a Samsung.

_I suppose not. It's Thursdays I really hate, though. Never got the hang of them._  
**[Sent 15:42]**

He waits fifteen minutes for a reply before resigning himself to a lonely life of fluffy molangs and cats and dying alone and being eaten by budgies.

He really, really hates his life.

_My professor is an ass.  
Not literally, ofc.  
_ **[Sent 16:22]**

_Although, y'know, looking at his face, I'm starting to wonder.  
_ **[Sent 16:22]**

_Aren't you a college student?  
Why aren't you in class?_  
**[Received 16:31]**

_Yeah, I am.  
_ **[Sent 16:35]**

_Yknow that's slightly sus.  
_ **[Sent 16:36]**

_But yeah, I don't have classes all day tho,  
It's college, not penitentiary school._  
**[Sent 16:36]**

_That makes sense._  
**[Received 16:41]**

Kai doesn't know what that means. He doesn't know how to respond to a flat statement, but he doesn't want to end the conversation.

"Come on, Soobin, throw me a bone here," he mutters, then flushes at the double meaning because he's a fucking dork.

He sighs. Soobin's not going to add anything, and he has no way of replying. Accepting defeat, he puts the phone down on the chair next to him and crosses his legs like a child in the reading corner, focusing once more on his professor’s theory of wish fulfillment.

_Is that your girlfriend in your background picture?_  
**[Received 17:05]**

Kai is thrown by the fact that Soobin has texted him without a prompt. He doesn't know what to make of this.

It's a pity text. Soobin can obviously sense Kai’s fratboy longing and is merely humoring him until he can give him his phone back and ignore him forever.

Kai shouldn't fall for it.

He totally falls for it.

_Dude, no. Gross. She’s my mom._  
**[Sent 17:07]**

_She looks very young._  
**[Received 17:17]**

_Well, yeah. She was. Is. Idk.  
She died like two years after that picture was taken, so yeah.  
Pretty young._  
**[Sent 17:17]**

_Sorry._  
**[Received 17:39** ]

_It's cool. You didn’t know._  
**[Sent 17:41]**

_No. I'm still sorry, though._  
**[Received 17:51]**

_My mother died when I was sixteen._  
**[Received 17:55]**

_Dude, that blows. I'm sorry, too._  
**[Sent 17:57]**

_It's fine. At least I have memories of her. You don't.  
I'm lucky in comparison._  
**[Received 18:05]**

_You know, you call me 'dude' a lot._  
**[Received 18:11]**

_Dude, I call EVERYONE 'dude' a lot. It's like my thing._  
**[Sent 18:15]**

_But anyway, thanks._  
**[Sent 18:20]**

He doesn't expect a reply. He doesn't want one, either. He's just spilled his guts to some random dude he's never met – admittedly a ludicrously hot one, but a stranger nonetheless – and the last time he saw his mother she looked like a ghost, her hospital gown a white reminder of mortality.

His professors can suck a fat one. Kai is going to sleep.

Kai wakes up at 10 a.m the next morning for a 9 am. class, his sheets imprinting a pattern on his cheek and his hair standing up on end like he's been electrocuted.

" _Fuck_ ," he says, and then remembers that he's meant to be meeting Taehyun for lunch and he looks like crap and has no way of telling his bestfriend since birth that he'll probably be late because his phone is currently in the possession of some demi-god with a body carved by angels. "Fuck," he says again. It's sort of satisfying. It almost helps. "Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck."

He sighs, rubs his bleary eyes with the heels of his palms, and picks up his borrowed phone, frowning when he sees that there are two texts waiting. The first one is from his phone and must have come through last night, after he went to bed and lay awake for seven hours. He opens that message first.

_Don't mention it.  
_ **[Received 19:41]**

Huh.

It's a pretty congenial text, all things considered. He's starting to wonder if Soobin really is as aloof as he'd assumed. He thinks back to their conversation last night, when Soobin had seemed completely willing to listen – well, read – and offer his own story in return. It's kind of awesome for him to do that, Kai thinks, considering they haven't properly met, and Kai can't get some of his actual real life friends to talk to him about his mother most days.

It's still odd, he thinks, how much he actually enjoys texting Soobin.

Even though they've only been doing it for a couple of days, Kai has carved a little nook in his life for the sarcastic messages, looks forward to them and enjoys reading them, coming up with replies that will hopefully make Soobin feel the same way.

He picks up the phone and types out a message. He wonders if it'll ever be Soobin who sends the first text and sparks a proper conversation that doesn't take a nosedive into depression and dead parents.

_Unemployed, huh?  
The lack of an alarm on your phone caused me to miss my first class.  
_ **[Sent 10:13]**

_I'm considering taking legal action.  
_ **[Sent 10:15]**

_My people will be in touch. **  
**_ **[Sent 10:15]**

Kai knows from experience that Soobin will take eons to reply, if he actually does, so he puts the phone back on his bedside cabinet and yawns, stretching out his body until he hears at least three vertebrae crack. Still aching, he swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands up, scratching an annoying itch in the small of his back and yawning again. He has no idea why he feels so rough. He's not hungover, hasn't been since the last time he got drunk and tried to kiss Yuna – really, he should have known better – and ended up with concussion, and that was nearly three months ago.

Kai staggers into the bathroom, splashes some cold water onto his face and inspects himself in the mirror. He sighs at his reflection. If he goes outside within the hour, he'll probably get arrested. He'll scare small children. He'll turn nubile young men into stone.

He takes his time in the shower, reasoning that he's already missed his morning classes and might as well show up to his afternoon ones looking like he's at least half human. He almost feels like he's earnt his place amongst the living when he walks back into his bedroom, towel wrapped around his waist, and sees that he's got a text. He's a little worried by how his stomach flips over with excitement at this, but decides that it's far too early in the morning to confront that.

_Not unemployed. I use an alarm clock. And I think your failure to go to bed at a reasonable time caused you to miss that class.  
_ **[Received 10:21]**

_Perhaps you should sue yourself? **  
**_ **[Received 10:22]**

_Employed, then. I bet you're a comedian. **  
**_ **[Sent 10:55]**

He waits ten minutes for a reply, towelling his hair and rooting around in his closet for something to wear, before giving up and going downstairs to make himself a coffee and some bacon with a trace of a smile on his face.

For a change, it isn't Kai who's late. Taehyun shows up ten minutes behind schedule, red-faced and out of breath.

"Sorry, man," he says apologetically, taking the seat opposite Kai, who's taken the liberty of ordering him a really milky latte as punishment, just the way Taehyun hates it. However, because he's a good friend, he's also bought him lunch. "Shit hit the fan with Jungkook and his brother last night. He stayed over, and... well. You know."

"I wish I didn't." Kai wrinkles his nose in disgust and picks up his sandwich. "And if you think you're going to finish that story, by the way, you can go right up to the cashier and order yourself a steaming hot cup of _nope_."

Taehyun smirks.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he says airily, which is a total lie because Kai knows more about Taehyun's love life than he does his own. Not that that's hard, because it's hard to know that much about something that doesn't exist, but Kai digresses. He raises his eyebrows pointedly, and Taehyun stirs his disgustingly milky coffee. "How's life?"

"I missed my first class," Kai tells him around a mouthful of grilled cheese sandwich. Taehyun frowns.

"I know, dude," he says. "I saw your tweet this morning."

Kai blinks.

"I really, really didn't tweet anything," he says. He swallows a mouthful of cheese and anxiety and extends his arm, his hand in front of Taehyun. "Show me."

Taehyun eyes him worriedly, like he's worried Kai might suddenly produce a knife and start stabbing him. Eyes still on Kai, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, handing it wordlessly to his friend. Kai grabs it and immediately goes to check Twitter.

"Be careful," Taehyun mutters. "It's new."

Kai ignores him. He has more important things to worry about, like why the hell Taehyun seems to be on drugs. He taps his finger on the iphone – because Taehyun was intelligent for once in his life and didn't fall for the Samsung shtick – and selects his Twitter profile, waits for it to load.

"I think you're tripping major balls, man," Kai tells him. "There's nothing on my Twitter, you..."

Except there is. Kai blinks.

> **@molangie814** _Missed my morning class!!! (_ _⋟_ _﹏_ _⋞_ _) What an idiot. I should do what Soobin does, and get a proper alarm…_
> 
> 09.35 **•** 09/11/20 **•** Twitter for Android **  
> 2** Retweets and comments **32** Likes

"What," says Kai, and then reads it again. "Soobin," he states, flatly.

Taehyun takes a bite of his salad, because Taehyun is the kind of terrible person who actually eats salads, and looks pensive.

"Yeah, I was gonna ask about that," he says, wiping mayonaise from his mouth. "Who the hell is Soobin?"

Kai hands Taehyun his phone back and takes Soobin's phone out of his pocket.

"The General of the enemy army," he grits out. "Because this is war, Taehyun. This is Sparta. He may have won the first battle, but—"

"That's not your phone," Taehyun points out helpfully. Kai throws his arms into the air in defeat.

"How can you all tell?" he cries. "My phone is not in _that_ bad condition."

"Yeah, but it kind of is," Taehyun counters. "Anyway. Whose phone is that?"

Kai pouts.

"Soobin's," he answers. "And it's kind of a long story."

He taps out a text message and hits send.

_Oh, it is ON.  
**[Sent 12:31]**_

_You will come to rue the day you took on Admiral Huening on his home turf. I once fraped someone so bad she started crying andhad to stay off school for two weeks. Well, admittedly, that was because I made a spelling mistake.  
**[Sent 12:32]**_

_But my point still stands!!!  
**[Sent 12:33]**_

_  
Prepare to be annihilated, because this is going NUCLEAR, Choi Soobin.  
_ **[Sent 12:34]**

"You have that look on your face," says Taehyun, worriedly.

Kai doesn't look up, just loads Twitter onto the Samsung. How can he get Soobin back? Something about plants, he thinks. Plant Guy and his boring hobbies. Or is that too crass, too obvious? Probably, but then Soobin's was a pretty low blow.

> **@sschoi** _Thank to Jesus that I set my big-boy alarm for 8 a.m this morning! Managed to get a good three hours of frolicking in my garden before work. **@molangie814** should take my advice; frolicking is awesome._
> 
> 13.35 **•** 09/11/20 **•** Twitter for Android **  
> 10** Retweets and comments **180** Likes

Kai sniggers to himself. He's hilarious. He then realises that he never responded to Taehyun's statement, and looks up. Taehyun has raised one eyebrow and is sort of smirking. That look never means good things, in Kai’s experience.

"What look?" he asks.

"That look you used to get when you teased Yuna in Biology class," Taehyun responds. _That_ makes Kai look up.

"Soobin is _not_ Yuna!" he protests. "Dude, I had a crush on Yuna. This Soobin guy? I've never met him, and he's an ass. And yeah, he has all the dimples and the eyes and probably the biceps and he abs and shit, but he's still a douche, and I still need to make him cry."

Taehyun looks at him, a slightly terrified expression on his face.

"Ok," he says, eventually. He sighs, checks the time on his phone. "I've gotta go, man. My next class starts in an hour and I haven't even looked at the assignment. I'm basically screwed."

"Jungkook will be devastated to hear of your affair with procrastination, I mean, you _never_ procrastinate." Kai retorts. He looks at Taehyun's plate and the greasy meatballs he left behind. "Are you going to finish that thing?"

Taehyun rolls his eyes. “No you big puppy. Go to town on it."

Kai does. He hasn't eaten in about ten minutes and he's starting to get hunger pains.

"You're gross," Taehyun tells him, matter-of-factly. "Anyway, I'll leave you to your unresolved sexual tension with Soobin, whoever he is."

"There is no unresolved sexual tension!" Kai retorts, spraying crumbs everywhere in his indignation. "There is, perhaps, an undertone of thinly veiled tolerance, but that's about it."

Taehyun raises his eyebrows, and Kai decides to focus on his food, which he cannot call a food for ethical reasons.

"You have a text, by the way," Taehyun tells him, standing up and swinging his rucksack over one shoulder. Most people have stopped using rucksacks by now. Not Taehyun. "That light's been flashing since you got here. Man, I hate that about Samsungs."

Taehyun leaves, giving him some weird sort of salute that he probably thinks makes him look really cool but just reminds Kai of The Village People. Kai makes a mental note to change Taehyun's ringtone next time he sees him, then thinks about what Taehyun had actually said and frowns. He didn't hear the phone vibrate.

Then he remembers this morning. There were two texts. He'd only checked one. He's an actual idiot. He wonders who it's from. Obviously, it'll be a text for Soobin. He feels kind of grotesquely voyeuristic when he realises just how much he wants to read it. It's none of his business.

So, of course, he opens it. It's from someone called Yeonjun, which makes Kai’s heart sink.

  
_Whoever has my little brother's phone, thank you.  
You've given this family more entertainment in one day than we've had in ten years.  
_ **[Received 09:11]**

It's his brother, then. Kai remembers when he had first shown the phone to Yuna and she'd stalked his Twitter. She'd thought that the pink-haired man in Soobin's profile picture was his brother. Kai looks at the phone, thoughtfully. They really don't look that much alike.

At first glance, there are obvious similarities; they both have this sharp eyes and thick lips, and they're both really attractive. Kai curses genetics. Some people have it so easy. On second glance, however, they're worlds apart. Yeonjun smiles brightly and easily like he's used to it, like he's never really without a grin of some kind. Soobin can barely manage to turn the corners of his lips in anything that resembles a smile that doesn’t look like he has constipation.

Kai is pretty sure genetics aren't to blame for that. He wonders what is.

_Absolutely no problemo.  
Well, a bit problemo,  
Because this is ruining my life  
**[Sent 12:49]**_

_But hey, if I'm giving some joy to even one person out there, then it's totally worth it._  
**[Sent 12:50]**

Kai bites his lip, thoughtfully. It's a little weird to think of Soobin as an actual person rather than just sardonic characters on a Samsung screen. Soobin has family, friends and a Twitter. Well, maybe not friends. But he has a job and an awesome brother and a whole life that Kai knows nothing about.

It kind of scares him how much he wants to find out about it.

He looks at the time. His next class starts in twenty minutes, and he's fifteen minutes from campus.

"Oh shit," he hisses, and he crams the rest of the sandwich into his mouth and makes a run for it.

Kai’s next class is surprisingly tolerable. He snaps a picture of the professor's butt and sends it to Jungkook, wondering why Jungkook's number is the only one he's committed to memory, before realising that Jungkook will now be receiving a photograph of a stranger's ass from an unrecognised phone number. The thought makes him break into hysterics, causing the girl next to him to spill her coffee all over his notes on History.

Still, despite the third degree burns he's probably developing on his nether regions, it's totally worth it.

He's on his way out of the lecture room when he feels Soobin's phone vibrate in his trouser pocket, making him squirm and inadvertently gyrate against some poor dude who shoots Kai a look of abject terror before fleeing. Kai ignores the fact that he's probably going to be known as a weirdo from now on and pulls out the phone.

_Frolicking? That’s very cute.  
Everyone on your Twitter agrees, too.  
_ **[Received 14:45]**

Kai gulps, and checks his Twitter.

> **@molangie814** _Hit 'like' if you think I'm adorable! >3<_ _♡♡♡_
> 
> 14.50 **•** 09/11/20 **•** Twitter for Android **  
> 127** Retweets and comments **820** Likes

He's sort of tempted to murder Soobin as well as those nine douchebags, but he can't ignore the fact that he pinks when he realises that Choi Soobin has called him adorable, albeit in a cruel and mocking way.

_You think I'm adorable? Aw, that's sweet.  
Especially coming from someone who's so vain that he brags about his dimples on Twitter.  
_ **[Sent 14:51]**

> **@sschoi** _Phew, what a day. Only managed to do some push-ups this morning, but I did find the time admiring my dimples in the mirror, so I’ll count it as a success._
> 
> 15.10 **•** 09/11/20 **•** Twitter for Android **  
> 63** Retweets and comments **432** Likes

_I don’t have time to do all of that. I’m too busy having a job.  
_ **[Received 15:15]**

_I was saddened to see that your recent application for employment was rejected, by the way.  
My commiserations.  
_ **[Received 15:16]**

> **@molangie814** _I just got turned down for a job as a comedian. Apparently, you have to actually be funny._
> 
> 15.18 **•** 09/11/20 **•** Twitter for Android **  
> 20** Retweets and comments **127** Likes

_Yeah, it really sucked. Especially as your employment is going so well, man.  
I'm happy for you.  
_ **[Sent 15:20]**

> **@sschoi** _Finally got offered my first GQ cover! At long last, all this pouting, posing and body sculpting has yielded the glamorous results I've always wanted! See you, bitches!_
> 
> 15.24 **•** 09/11/20 **•** Twitter for Android **  
> 678** Retweets and comments **2.093** Likes

By the time Kai has reached his apartment, he can't stop himself from grinning like the cat that got the cream and then found out there was an entire fucking gateau underneath it. It's somewhat alarming to see that Soobin actually has a pretty wicked sense of humor. He hadn't been expecting it. Seriously, it's not actually fair. The guy is handsome as fuck and all has a good body and witty and—

"Fuck," says Kai, the epiphany hitting him like a ton of bricks square in the chest. "I'm screwed."

And he is. He really, really is.

Kai has a crush on a guy he's never even met, and it's a guy who's totally out of his league. He doesn't even know anything about Soobin, not really. He doesn't know where he works or what his middle name is or how his mother died or how old he is. Fuck, he could be thirty for all Kai knows, although he looks pretty good for it if that's the case.

He wonders what Taehyun would say if he knew. He'd probably encourage it, like the fucking optimist he is, because he just wants Kai to be happy. He'd set Kai up with Hannibal Lecter if he thought it would make him smile because Taehyun has Jungkook and _everyone_ should have a Jungkook.

Yuna, of course, will tease him as soon as she finds out, which she will. Yuna finds out everything. She's like TMZ in human form.

She'll probably tell Soobin. Fuck. She must never know.

Kai wonders if it's too late to brick up his door and windows and become a hermit, or join a priesthood on some island somewhere. He seriously considers it before coming to the decision that he just wouldn't suit the hairstyle.

He wonders what he should do. The sensible part of his brain is telling him to call Yuna from the landline, invite her over and watch Begin Again for the umpteenth time while stuffing their faces with ice cream, but Kai has never been one to listen to the rational part of his consciousness, so he does the most stupid thing he can think of.

He phones Yeonjun.

He doesn't even really know why he does it. There are a couple of reasons, really. Firstly, even though he's only sent one text, Kai can tell that Yeonjun is exactly the kind of person he gets on with really well. He's funny, forward and hot. Kai kind of wants to be his best friend.

Secondly, he thinks it might make all this seem just that little bit more ridiculous and impossible if he can bring Soobin into the real world, into the space that Kai inhabits along with Taehyun and Jungkook and Yuna, and away from this goddamn pedestal that Kai has put him on.

Yeonjun answers on the third ring, and Kai immediately regrets his decision. His mouth dries up. He wonders if a drink of self-hatred and tears would soothe it.

"Hello?" he says, and wow. He's a real human with a real voice and he sounds really pleased about something. Kai wonders what it is.

"Um," he says, and then realizes that conversations usually work best when both parties are capable of forming coherent words and sentences and he clears his throat. "Hi."

"Is this the guy who has Soobin's phone?" he asks, slowly. Kai coughs.

"Yes, yes it is," he answers. "Hi."

"Hi, Huening Kai," he says, and Kai can tell that he's smiling. "What can I do for you?"

Kai sighs.

"I don't know," he replies, honestly. He really doesn't. "I think I just wanted to be sure that I hadn't somehow managed to accidentally steal the phone of a serial killer, that's all."

"Well, Kai, this isn't my phone," he tells him. "And my brother has bad days."

Kai barks out a laugh. He can see where Soobin gets his sense of humor from. Or does Yeonjun get it from him? Kai adds it to the list of technically inappropriate things he wants to discover about a hot stranger, and presses on.

"Well, as long as I don't fit his usual victim profile, I think it'll be ok," he says. He hears Yeonjun pause, and when he speaks again, it sounds thoughtful.

"I think you might fit," he says.

Kai hangs up, because he's an idiot, and because Choi Yeonjun is quite clearly insane. Perhaps not as insane as Kai, who's falling hard and fast for words on a screen, but still certified bat-shit crazy.

He feels the phone vibrate in his hand, and his heart churns. It's Soobin.

_Truce?  
_ **[Received 15:59]**

His brain cycles through the things he could reply with. _Stop texting me because I think I'm a bit in love with you and you make me want to stand on a bench and feed birds and sing about love and shit. No, not a truce, because this is the best part of my day and you might not want to text me if we're not jokingly at each other's throats. How are you a real and will you please date the shit out of me?_

None of them seem wholly appropriate. There's only one acceptable response, really.

_Truce.  
_ **[Sent 16:01]**

Kai puts the phone down on the end table by his front door. He feels a little empty.

There's only one thing that helps at a time like this. Sighing, he makes his way over to the landline and calls someone who will certainly have no objections for his way of cleansing his thoughts.

If he can't confront his feelings, Kai can be damn sure he'll obliterate them into non-existence with copious helpings of bitter alcohols and bad songs.

Because that always helps, except for when it doesn't, and Kai is screwed.

Kai wakes up the next morning feeling even worse than he felt yesterday.

That's the first thing he notices, that someone has apparently carpeted the inside of his mouth and hammered nails into his brain. He aches everywhere. Even his toes are waving proverbial white flags. He groans and forces his eyes open, the bright light of the early afternoon sun hits his retinas and making him want to retch. He can't remember the last time he was this hungover. How much did he drink last night? He has a vague recollection of ordering soju for everybody at the bar and drinking more than half of them. Images of table-dancing and drunken professions of love flash through his admittedly slow mind, making him want to curl into a ball of shame and regret and just end it all.

He should know better. His dad goes to this kind of things every other week and Kai should know better.

Next to him, Beomgyu moans in discomfort. Kai blinks.

When did he let the older man into his apartment?

That's the second thing Kai notices. He's not in his flat at all. For a start, he's lying in a rather plush double bed, not his creaky, rickety single. There isn't a ketchup stain on the ceiling above his pillow from where he ill-advisedly attempted to make hotdogs in bed during a particularly bad hangover. There are no shirtless posters of Shawn Mendes.

He sits up and looks at the almost sleeping form next to him. It's a small consolation that Beomgyu looks nearly as bad as he feels, bleary-eyed and scruffy-haired. It's a much larger consolation that they're both still fully clothed. As awesome as Beomgyu is – and he _is_ awesome – he's pretty much the last person Kai wants to have a drunken one night stand with. After Taehyun, maybe. And wow, Kai does _not_ need that image in his head so soon after waking up.

Kai wants answers and he wants them now. Why is he here and why does he feel like he's died and been resurrected by the world's worst sorcerer?

"Morning," he croaks, his lips dry and his throat sore. Beomgyu struggles to squint at him through sleep-deprived eyes.

"Afternoon," he corrects.

Kai blinks, and even that's a struggle.

"Is it?" he asks. Beomgyu nods, then rubs his neck as though the action has caused him great physical pain. It probably has.

Kai sighs. He had four classes this morning. He's starting to think he might have to kiss goodbye to his extra credits.

"I think this calls for coffee," he says. Beomgyu manages a very small smile, and Kai heaves himself into a standing position. As soon as he's sure he's not going to keel over from the effort of walking, he tentatively places one foot in front of the other and begins the journey to the kitchen.

It turns out that Beomgyu is a lot more talkative once he's had three cups of black coffee in quick succession. He's always been more similar to Kai than either has cared to admit, he thinks. Their conversation flows easily now, the caffeine loosening their joints and their tongues.

Kai bites the bullet. He needs to know what went down last night. He has a few vague memories that he did something awful, something that makes him shudder a little with embarrassment, but he can't for the life of him remember what that deed is.

"Gyu," he says. Beomgyu sips his coffee again and looks at him expectantly. "What exactly did I do last night?"

Beomgyu thinks for a moment, then starts laughing, almost dropping his coffee all over his bedsheets. Kai is not exactly reassured by this.

"Wow, Kai-ya," he eventually manages to say. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Like all good stories - and this sounds like a good story, albeit with me as the antagonist rather than the handsome and charming protagonist - at the beginning."

Beomgyu shifts slightly, rearranging his legs so that he's kneeling opposite Kai, and takes his hands in his. Kai swallows hard.

"Kai-ya," he says. "Does the name 'Soobin' mean anything to you?"

Kai can feel his face flushing red. He doesn't understand why he always manages to make such an idiot of himself. His friends are mostly idiots, but they manage to hide it under a layer of calm, collected haughtiness. Why can't Kai do the same?

He clears his throat, wondering if he might be lucky enough to choke to death on his own saliva within the next three seconds.

"He's just a guy I've been texting," he mumbles. "Our phones got swapped, that's all."

Beomgyu laughs, and shakes his head.

"Oh, pup," he says, his voice falsely and sickly saccharine. "That is _not_ all. That's not even close to being all."

"Oh God," Kai whimpers. "What did I _do_?" he adds, in a despairing whisper.

Beomgyu pats him on the shoulder.

"Kai," he says. "As much as I love seeing you freak the fuck out most of the time, you have to promise me that you'll cut yourself some slack. You were very drunk. I think you drank more in one night than anyone else ever has in their life. I was seriously considering pumping your stomach myself with a vacuum cleaner at one point. So don't be too hard on yourself, all right?"

Kai nods dumbly, a knot forming in his stomach. He's not looking forward to the awkward revelation that's surely coming. Beomgyu sighs.

"You phoned him," he states, and Kai wonders why he was born. He groans.

"I didn't," he denies. "Please, Beomgyu, tell me this is some kind of awful joke. Please."

"It's not a joke."

"Unlike my life!" Kai cries. He pauses for a moment to gather his thoughts.

Maybe he didn't say anything too bad. Heck, maybe Soobin didn't even answer. That wouldn't be out of character, from what Kai knows of the guy. He doesn't exactly seem like Miss Congeniality, after all. Which is a good thing, because Kai has always been a little bit scared of Sandra Bullock.

He sighs.

"What did I say?" he asks. Beomgyu raises an eyebrow, and takes another sip of his coffee.

"I don't actually know," he confesses. "You were pretty clear that it was going to be a private conversation. You attempted to push me out of my own house, but that obviously wasn't going to fly with me, so you hid in a bush."

"In a bush?"

"Yeah. It was pathetic, actually."

Beomgyu's smiling. Kai isn't.

"Your face is pathetic," he mumbles. Beomgyu raises an eyebrow.

"I think we both know that's not true, Kai," he says. He inspects a spot of dirt under his fingernail. "I actually know Soobin, you know."

Kai balks. That can't be true. No-one knows Soobin. He is an enigma wrapped in a riddle and tied with a bow of secrets. He belongs in Kai’s world. He exists on a separate plane from everyone else. He's a higher being. He's practically a god.

Beomgyu is looking at him strangely and expectantly, and Kai realizes that he hasn't actually reacted yet. He clears his throat.

"What?"

"Yeah," Beomgyu continues. "We both grew up in the next town. My sister had the biggest crush on him while we were growing up."

This is new information. Kai almost forgets that he's probably made Soobin terrified of him, and presses Beomgyu for more.

"Why didn't your sister ever, y'know, get on that?" he asks, aiming for casual but aware he's probably coming off as some sort of really incompetent police interrogator. Luckily for him, Beomgyu doesn't seem to notice. He offers him a withering glance.

"She liked the dude, Kai, but not enough to grow a dick for him."

Kai’s eyes widen. This is unexpected.

"What, he's gay?" he questions. Beomgyu shrugs.

"Well, he only dates men. There was a woman, once, but none since. Jeon Jiwoo." Beomgyu says the name in much the same way that most people would say 'hemorrhoids' or 'genital warts', and Kai’s curiosity is naturally peaked. He's always been a sucker for gossip. It's a character flaw.

"And she was bad enough to turn him off women for life?" Kai lets out a whistle. "What, did she have some horrible skin condition down below? A third nipple? Hair where there shouldn't - "

"She nearly tore his entire family apart," Beomgyu cuts in, and Kai wonders why he's bothering majoring in Psychology when he clearly has such a promising career already lined up for him as a professional douchebag.

"Shit," exhales Kai. "What did she do?"

Beomgyu narrows his eyes, scrutinizing Kai, and Kai shivers a little. Beomgyu has one of those glares that feels like it could pierce flesh and bone. Well, it's Beomgyu. It probably can.

"You seem awfully interested, considering you're essentially a stranger to the guy," he says, warily. Kai raises his hands, feigning innocence.

"Just concerned about a fellow bro," he assures him. Beomgyu raises an eyebrow and smirks.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with the fact he looks like a Greek god mated with Brad Pitt before his marriage to Angelina Jolie destroyed all his self-esteem, would it?" he asks.

Kai buckles.

"Oh my God, he does," he groans. He puts his head in his hands. "Beomgyu, I'm screwed. I'm actually screwed. Just take me out and leave me to die. Please. It would be less painful."

Beomgyu laughs, shoving his shoulder companionably. It's probably Kai’s favorite thing about him; the more he likes someone, the more comfortable he is expressing himself through the medium of physical violence. He's sure he'll make a special sort of person very happy someday.

"I'm not going to kill you, Kai," he says. His mouth quirks into an approximation of a grin, which on Beomgyu is really more of a megalomaniacal leer, and he pats him on the shoulder again. "But Soobin might. You should probably apologize, ask what you said to him, and hope you didn't ask to bear his children."

Which, if Kai is honest, is totally something he'd do. He nods sagely and takes out Soobin's phone from under the pillow. Kai has always slept with his phone under the pillow. He can't honestly say why. Taking a deep breath, he types out a text that betrays as little of his regret and self-pity as he can possibly muster, and hits send.

_Hey. This is a bit awkward…  
But did I phone you last night?  
_ **[Sent 14:33]**

Beomgyu watches him send the text, an amused smile on his face. Kai catches his eye, and he laughs.

"Good luck, lover boy," he says.

Kai thinks he'll need it.

Soobin doesn't reply until later that evening. Kai is watching TV at Taehyun's with Yuna, Chaeryoung, and Jungkook, fulfilling his usual role as third wheel extraordinaire, and he's contemplating throwing himself out of a window. It's not that he doesn't love his friends, because he does – well, with the possible exception of Jungkook, who is currently bemoaning the fact that he keeps receiving random pictures of dolphins and butts from an unknown number – he just thinks he'd appreciate feeling a bit more included sometimes. Most of the time, it feels a bit like he's being punished for not being able to find someone willing to date him. Sitting between the curled up units of Taehyun-and-Jungkook and Chaeryoung-and-Yuna, he feels oddly alone in a group.

He feels his phone vibrate against his leg and his heart lurches. This is crunch time. He's going to find out what he said to Soobin, and he's probably not going to like it.

He must look panicked, because Taehyun scrunches his face up in concern.

"You ok?" he asks.

Kai grins widely and falsely.

"Never better!" he answers. "Just got a text, that's all."

"I bet it's not a picture of a butt," Jungkook grumbles, and Yuna elbows him, offering Kai a conspiratorial glance.

Ok, so Kai doesn't feel _so_ alone.

He takes the phone out of his pocket and opens the text.

_Yes.  
_ **[Received 19:02]**

That's it. A simple response to the affirmative.

It doesn't fill Kai with much hope.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Taehyun asks, picking up the TV remote and turning the volume down a little. Kai sort of regrets that now he'll probably never hear Sunwoo call Tae-oh out on her affair with Dakyung, but he gets over it.

"I'm so sure that it hurts," he responds. Taehyun narrows his eyes, but Kai ignores him. He's not in the mood for emotional blackmail at the moment.

_Did I say anything? I'm really sorry if I did.  
**[Sent 19:04]**_

_I was drunk.  
Like, really drunk.  
So drunk I apparently tried to start line-dancing with a fencepost.  
**[Sent 19:06]**_

_  
I didn't mean anything I said, so don't worry if I, y'know, said I voted Trump in the election, Because I totally didn't.  
_ **[Sent 19:07]**

"You look constipated," observes Taehyun. Kai loves his best friend sometimes. Now is not one of those times.

"I had a healthy movement this morning," he retorts, fighting fire with fire and causing Chaeryoung to wrinkle her nose in disgust. "And, as previously mentioned, I am fine. There is nothing slightly traumatizing going on in my life right now. Nothing at all."

Yuna sighs.

"If you don't tell them, I will," she says. Kai shoots her a panicked look and she raises her eyebrows. "Ryujin told me everything, Kai." she continues. "You phoned Soobin and now you're worried that you confessed your love for him or something equally embarrassing. It would be funny if it weren't so nauseatingly cute of you."

"Who's Soobin?" asks Jungkook. No-one answers.

Kai sighs.

"Look," he says, purposely not looking at Jungkook's look of complete confusion. "I don't love the guy, all right? I haven't even met him. I admit that he's hot – come on, I have a functioning optical system – but I haven't planned out our wedding or our children's names or anything. Well, one is definitely going to be called Haneul, but that's after my mother and not exclusive - "

"Dude," says Taehyun, and Kai can see that he looks a little fed up.

"Just ask him what you said and move on so we can find out who father of this chick's baby is," Jungkook orders, gesturing at the TV screen. Kai sticks his tongue out, and Jungkook puts his head in his hands. He looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

Kai knows that feeling.

He waves the phone.

"What do you think I just did?" he sighs. "Dude's not answering."

"You have a text, actually," Yuna points out.

Kai definitely does not squeak.

Taehyun sighs theatrically.

_It's nothing. You just rambled on about college. That's all.  
I hope the hangover wasn't too bad.  
_ **[Received 19:09]**

Kai can actually feel himself become lighter with relief. It must show on his face, because Yuna laughs.

"All clear?" she asks.

"In remission, at least," Kai affirms, earning himself a disgusted look from Jungkook.

"It's like you're living in a romantic comedy," sighs Taehyun, resignedly.

Kai scoffs.

"Except it's about as funny as a re-run of the last season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and there's no romance involved," he counters.

_Thank god I didn't make too much of a fool of myself.  
I tend to do that when I'm drunk.  
_ **[Sent 19:10]**

"No romance, eh?" smiles Yuna. Kai hates her.

He excuses himself to make a cup of coffee, completely forgetting to switch the kettle on.

_You did make a fool of yourself though.  
**[Received 19:13]**_

Kai trips and almost burns his hands against the boiling hot kettle.

****

_You told me that 'bald people are just people with lonely heads' and that you thought 'the police station is too grand for people who wear a lot of blue', and you hung up on me saying 'I have to go, everything I say makes me think of mint chocolate'.  
_ **[Received 19:13]**

_I think that's the longest text you've ever sent me, you know.  
_ **[Sent 19:14]**

_Ha. And it consists entirely of dumb things you've said. Says a lot.  
_ **[Received 19:17]**

_Unlike you, Mr Less-is-more.  
_ **[Sent 19:18]**

_You know what they say, less is more :)  
You talk too much.  
**[Received 19:20]**_

_I'll be back in town in three days, by the way.  
_ **[Received 19:21]**

If Kai is honest with himself, which he's trying to be ever since he decided to actually keep his New Years' Resolutions, his heart sinks a little at that.

Soobin's back soon. That means that they can switch phones, and while Kai is admittedly looking forward to getting his crappy old Samsung back, he knows that there's precious little chance of Soobin keeping in touch with him after that. After they have no real need to be civil to each other, they'll certainly cease all contact.

Kai enjoys texting Soobin. He likes the sarcastic replies he receives, the fact that Soobin always takes ages to reply. And while he'll enjoy being able to text his other friends again, it doesn't make his pulse rise to open messages from them the way it does with Soobin.

He swallows a lump in his throat along with his feelings.

_Cool, cool. We can meet up. Exchange phones, you know.  
_ **[Sent 19:23]**

He decides that he needs that coffee after all. He doesn't bother with the milk.

_Yes. We could get coffee, if you want. It'll be on Thursday, if that's all right?  
_ **[Received 19:25]**

Kai sighs. Coming from anyone else, that would totally be a date, but from Soobin, it's little more than a business transaction, and not even in the deliciously seedy way.

_Sounds good to me.  
**[Received 19:26]**_

_Don't worry, I'm not one of those pretentious 'I only drink tea and the blood of old English poets' types.  
_ **[Sent 19:28]**

_That's a relief. The coffee shop I was thinking of doesn't serve that.  
Would 12 p.m be ok?  
_ **[Received 19:29]**

_Yeah, that's the early side of acceptable.  
I'll probably still be stumbling around like a zombie from lack of sleep at that point  
So the caffeine would be welcome.  
_ **[Sent 19:30]**

_Ok. See you then.  
_ **[Received 19:32]**

The formality of the last text makes Kai want to cry, and he chastises himself for expecting anything else.

"Kai, hurry up with that coffee!" Yuna calls from the other room, and Kai pushes to the back of his mind all thoughts of the fact that he's inevitably going to end up dying alone in an old people's home and eaten by ants.

_I lveo yoouo hahaahah i bet yu knew that thou didndt yo becuae i bet eberuone loves you anad yur dmplesss butt Soobin you area cooler than cucucmber and hoettre than my dads secretery and seh had a a boobj ob lasts years so that s hsaying somethng! im drunk ok bryyeee!_  
**[Sent yesterday 01:04]  
[Deleted today 12:06]**

Kai reads the text for the third time, hoping it will make more sense if he can just stare it into submission. It doesn't.

  
_This is Yeonjun.  
We need to talk.  
_ **[Received 09:11]**

_My brother just told me he's coming home in three days. He's cutting his trip short, and I'm betting you're the reason. Call me as soon as you get this, and don't even think about pretending you didn't get it. Soobin pulls that trick all the time.  
_ **[Received 09:13]**

He leans back in the library chair and rubs his face, trying to come up with a plausible explanation for the baffling text he's just spent the past five minutes re-reading. He's not an idiot, he's usually pretty good at reading between the lines and picking out subtext, but in this instance, he's pretty much stumped. There's only one possible reading of that text, and it doesn't make any sense.

Sighing, he presses the _Call_ button. He can't deny that he feels a little Ted Bundy-esque phoning the brother of some hot dude he's never met, but said brother _did_ ask him to.

Yeonjun picks up on the second ring.

"Does the name Jeon Jiwoo mean anything to you?" he asks, without even so much as a 'hello' by way of greeting. Kai rubs his nose between his thumb and forefinger, remembering what Beomgyu told him. He remembers the look of disdain that had clouded his features as he said the name, forced it from his tongue like it tasted bitter, and he begins to dread the direction this conversation is going to take.

"Yeah. Some woman Soobin dated in the past, right?" he answers, tentatively.

"I think 'woman' would be putting it generously," Yeonjun says. "When discussing Choi Jiwoo, words like 'bitch', 'life-ruiner' and 'Lucifer's right-hand woman' tend to be thrown around pretty liberally."

Kai doesn't really see why he's telling him this.

"Sounds unpleasant," he says, finally. "But I think you might've skipped ahead a few steps, because I'm lost. What does this have to do with me?"

He hears Yeonjun huff in exasperation.

"Listen, Kai, because I'm only going to tell you this once," he says, and Kai prepares himself. "Choi Jiwoo was fucked up. She did some stuff that I'm not going to go into, because it's none of my business, but it really messed Soobin up. It's been a few years, but I'd be lying if I said he was over it."

"And that sucks big time, but—"

"He's flirting with you, Kai." he sounds a little tired now. "I know that it probably doesn't seem that way, but trust me, he is. And I don't think he's so much as looked at someone else since Jiwoo. Not seriously, anyway. If he's making as big a deal of this as I think he is – which he is, by the way, because I know my brother – then this isn't just going to go away once you both have your phones back."

Kai takes a moment to process this. As far as he's concerned, there are two options here. Either Yeonjun is even crazier than he'd ever expected, or his not-so-little unreciprocated crush might not, in fact, be unreciprocated at all. Not even slightly.

The thought terrifies him a little, if he's honest. It's always been easier for Kai to deal with the intangible, the impossible. Things that can't happen can't hurt.

He swallows and wets his lips to speak.

"OK," he manages to say, eventually. "Um. Thanks, I guess. For the heads up."

"Any time," says Yeonjun, and he thinks he can hear a smile in his voice that, frankly, shouldn't be there. Not when everything in Kai’s life just got ten times more complicated than it has any right to be.

"What do you think I should do?" he asks him, because he's a glutton for punishment and can't make his own decisions.

Yeonjun sighs.

"If you don't mean it, then back out now," he says, warningly. "Because he can't take another Jiwoo, Kai. He can't."

"Thanks for letting me know," says Kai as neutrally as he possibly can, and hangs up.

He puts the phone down on the table and picks up his Psychology textbook, managing to read three pages before he realizes that he's been thinking about what Yeonjun said the entire time and can't even remember which psychologist he's supposed to be reading about.

_My brother just told me that he phoned you.  
Sorry if he said anything untoward. He's in a bit of an odd mood._  
**[Received 11:12]**

_He didn't._  
**[Sent 11:15]**

_Good. He always thinks He's doing the right thing, but that's not always the case._  
**[Received 11:20]**

_He didn't say anything._  
**[Sent 11:23]**

_Good. I won't start sabotaging his bedroom yet, then._  
**[Received 11:30]**

Kai looks at the phone, reads the text and tosses it back down onto the sofa.

Here's the thing.

If Soobin likes Kai – and hey, that's pleasant if unexpected development in the saga that is Kai’s life – then it won't last. It never does. Kai has a wicked sense of humor, a heart of bronze if not quite gold and better stomach muscles than most people think, courtesy of a free weekend gym pass, but he's still Huening Kai, the guy whose mouth seems to have a mind of its own and who never really grew into his limbs. He's good enough, he knows that, but sometimes it's not enough to be enough.

And the thing is, the other person always _thinks_ it's enough, at least at first.

It always starts so promisingly. Kai never goes into things with the intent of getting his heartbroken, but that's how it always ends up. He remembers his first real break-up, the week he spent on his dad's couch inhaling ice creams and watching re-runs of Camp Rock until Taehyun showed up and dragged him against his will to a club, where he drank his feelings and threw them all up the next morning. He's been through it three times since, and that's enough for him for a lifetime. He doesn't want to go through it all again; the perfect beginning, the hopeful middle and the bitter end.

So, as far as he can see, he only has one way out of this. It doesn't make him feel like any less of an asshole, knowing that he doesn't have any alternative, but it makes it a little easier to stop replying completely.

_There's a guy who looks a little like you on the bar tonight. He looks sus._  
**[Received 16:34]**

_I'm finally buying my own garden._  
**[Received 18:19]**

_Well, I wasn't really buying a graden. I just thought you might get a kick out of that, what with my hilarious phone background._  
**[Received 20:11]**

_I bet you're not in class._  
**[Received 09:59]**

_If you've lost my phone, Kai, I will not be best pleased._  
**[Received 12:43]**

_You started this, you know._  
**[Received 15:16]**

_I'm back in town tomorrow. We can meet up and get this over with.  
12 p.m at the Starbucks nearest the gym?_  
**[Received 17:55]**

_Ok._  
**[Sent 18:01]**

_Ok. See you then._  
**[Received 18:13]**

**_From: Yeonjun  
_**_Wow, way to be an asshole about things, Kai._  
I didn't think you'd actually do it. If he doesn't kill you when he sees you later, I will.  
**[Received 10:21]**

"What are you reading?" asks Jungkook, around a mouthful of a breakfast burrito. Taehyun eyes him, a disgusted and yet somehow fond look on his face.

Kai closes the text window and shrugs, placing the phone back down on Taehyun's coffee table. Taehyun raises an eyebrow and swallows his own mouthful of food.

"You're texting Soobin again, aren't you?" he asks. Kai wonders when he became so predictable. He thinks it was about the same time he fell hopelessly in love.

"Taehyun-ah," sighs Jungkook. Kai shakes his head.

"It's fine." He turns to Taehyun. "I'm not, actually. Just getting texts from his family. I think they see me as some sort of prodigal son, you know. They probably prefer me to him. I'm far less grouchy."

"That's not what you were saying a few days ago," mumbles Taehyun, at the same time as Jungkook says, "Actually, you've been pretty grumpy these past couple of days."

"Et tu, Brutus?" Kai says, sighing.

"Dude," says Taehyun. "You told Yuna to stop living life like a mascara commercial. You're lucky you still have a life to live."

"Well, it's not my fault she has ridiculous eyelashes," mutters Kai.

"You have worse." Jungkook points out. Kai shrugs.

Maybe he has been a little off these past few days. It's not his fault. He misses Soobin, and he's not too proud to admit it.

Not to himself, anyway. There's no way he's telling Taehyun.

"Are you all right?" Jungkook asks, voice soft and face carefully neutral, and Kai realizes he's been doing that thing he tends to do when he's thinking about something unsavory; wrinkling his nose in distaste. He nods and plasters on a fake smile.

"I'm fine," he replies. "Just remembering that time I walked in on Taehyun naked after lacrosse practice in junior high."

Taehyun chokes on a bit of burrito, and Kai thinks it serves him right.

Waiting for Soobin, Kai thinks, is a little like waiting for his own execution. He actually thinks that might be preferable. At least it would be quick.

He realizes that his left leg is jiggling with nerves and he places his hand on it to still it, takes a sip of lukewarm coffee – plain, because Kai has never been the kind of person to order chocolate and cream and caramel and orphan tears in his coffee. It just takes too much time, and there's too much room for error - from a cup that reads 'Kal', and grimaces. He looks at his watch. 12:11.

Soobin's late.

It's not like Kai doesn't deserve it. From Soobin's point of view, everything had been going swimmingly until Kai suddenly cut off contact. He doesn't have a view into Kai’s thought processes, doesn't have a window inside his head, and probably thinks that Kai is a complete douche. Which, you know, Kai can admit is a fairly logical conclusion to draw.

Half of him is expecting Soobin to stand him up. He wouldn't blame him if he did. All Soobin knows is that Kai has been ignoring him. He can't have any idea why. He probably thinks that Kai is just a total asshole and not the delicate, bruised flower that he really is.

A spotty young barista comes over to take his empty coffee cup, and Kai meets his eye. He looks bored as Hell. Kai can empathize.

"Could I get another one of these, please?" Kai asks him, picking up the cup. The boy fixes him with a blank stare.

"Another polystyrene cup?" he says. Kai blinks.

"Another filter coffee," he corrects him.

"Make that two," says a sure-sounding voice from behind him, and Kai squeaks inadvertently and turns around as quickly as he can, because even though Kai has never heard that voice before, he knows who it is.

"It's just plain, boring coffee," Kai stammers out.

"I know," says Soobin. He walks around to the chair in front of Kai and sits down in it, Kai watching him whilst doing his best impression of a starstruck Mendes Army as he does so.

The thing is, Soobin's Twitter picture hadn't really done him justice. In that photograph he'd looked surly, flat and just, almost boring, but there's an air of nervousness and uncertainty about him in real life, even taking into account the leather jacket and black t-shirt, that's at once both endearing as hell and appealing to the masochistic streak within Kai that's attracted solely to people who are more broken than he is. He still has the stupidly sharp jaws and cute dimples, and the eyes that can probably see right through Kai and into his rapidly beating heart plus the perpetual messy hair that Kai can admit has kept him up at night a few times, but it's all dressed up with an actual personality now, and if Kai had found him attractive before, the photograph and the personality as two separate entities, it's nothing compared to the whole package.

Soobin drums his fingers on the table, dragging Kai back to reality, and Kai realizes he should probably say something.

"Thanks for coming," he rushes. Soobin blinks.

"Thank _you_ for coming," he returns. "I wasn't sure you would. You've been kind of quiet these past few days."

Kai blushes furiously.

"Been busy," he lies. "College work, saving kittens from burning buildings. You know. That sort of thing. Normal stuff."

Soobin grins.

"Now, that's a lie," he says, and Kai can feel his insides twist. He's busted.

"What," he says, aiming for smooth and failing miserably. Soobin smiles benevolently.

"You don't do college work," he states.

Kai feels something that's a lot like relief, and Soobin looks at him, face schooled carefully into a mask of faint amusement. Kai watches as he continues to drum his fingers on the table, tries to count the beats. The irritatingly romantic corner of his brain insists on comparing them to his heartbeat, which, admittedly, is racing.

He's starting to realize that ignoring a couple of texts isn't going to get Choi Soobin out of his head.

"Fuck," he says.

Soobin raises an eyebrow, and Kai struggles to think with his upstairs brain.

"I'm sorry?" says Soobin, and Kai curses the fact that he was clearly born under a dark star.

"It's just," he begins, gesticulating inarticulately to convey a point he's not even sure he can make. "It's pretty awesome seeing you in real life. I don't know, dude. You're just the same, y'know? It's cool."

Soobin frowns.

"How else would I be?"

Kai shrugs.

"I don't know," he says again. "Not you, I guess."

Soobin smiles; a small lop-sided smile, like he's afraid that smiling won't suit him or that his dimples will shows. They definitely do show.

"I'm definitely me," he confirms.

Kai swallows, and whatever drivel he was about to come out with is mercifully interrupted by the appearance of the barista with two cups of coffee. Kai isn't even slightly surprised to see that Soobin's cup, bereft of a name, has instead been hastily scrawled on with the barista's phone number. Soobin looks at the number as the barista scurries off, flushing crimson, and something shifts in his expression. He reaches into the pocket of his leather jacket and produces Kai’s battered Samsung.

"I believe this is yours," he says. Kai grins.

"Oh, hey!" he says, taking the phone from Soobin's hand and holding it close to his ear. "Did the strange man treat you well, baby? It's ok, don't worry about it. Daddy's here now. You're safe."

Soobin raises his eyebrow again, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Should I leave you two alone?" he questions. Kai shrugs, and reaches into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out Soobin's phone and sliding it across the table to him.

"I was starting to think I'd be stuck with a phone that had a photograph of a plant as the background image," he explains. "You can see why I'm glad to get mine back."

Soobin's face falls slightly, almost imperceptibly, but he doesn't say anything. Kai is too caught up in the fact that everything's going well to really focus on it. He's surprised at the ease with which they're conversing, considering they haven't spoken in three days and it's been entirely Kai’s fault. He had expected to be greeted with an awkward silence, perhaps a brisk handshake and a quick espresso, shared in duty and not friendship, and then a goodbye, another handshake, maybe a thank you. He hadn't expected this, whatever it is.

He looks at Soobin, who's scrolling through his phone with a very confused look on his face.

"Why are there pictures of dophins and butts on my phone?" he asks, and Kai’s face falls. He could explain the random messages thing, but he quite likes the idea that Soobin doesn't currently know how much of a weirdo he actually is, and he'd like to keep it that way.

"Oh. That. I'm a professional photographer. I could take a picture of your butt, if you like. Or I could, y'know. Not do that." Kai sighs and runs a hand through his hair, and Soobin is clearly trying very hard not to laugh. "Can we pretend this conversation never happened?"

"No, Kai, because this conversation is the kind of thing you can lord over someone as blackmail material for decades to come."

"Will I know you in decades to come?"

"I don't know. Will you?"

Soobin looks down at his coffee, face flushed slightly red, and Kai is suddenly struck by how similar he is to what he'd been expecting, but also how different. The confidence is still there but it's marred with uncertainty, the good looks unbalanced with nervousness, and Kai regrets the past three days, because it's pretty obvious that he threw away three days of contact with someone pretty awesome to try and pander to a pride that's already broken.

He remembers what Yeonjun had told him, and his heart swells a little at the thought that this man actually likes him.

Kai can throw caution to the wind, sometimes. Sometimes he orders spicy food in restaurants even though he knows he might live to regret the outcome. He doesn't need to keep Soobin at arm's length. He can give him a chance. Soobin likes him. Soobin _likes_ him. The thought strikes him as shocking, even now, because Kai is used to being on the other side, used to feeling like he feels now, but isn't really used to those feelings being returned.

Kai clears his throat, and Soobin looks up at him expectantly. The midday sunlight shines through the coffee shop's large front windows and catches the side of Soobin's face, highlighting his dimples and slightly brown eyes, and Kai thinks _fuck it_ and says the only thing he can say when it's hard to breathe.

"Do you want to see my apartment?"

Soobin narrows his eyes, and Kai’s stomach flips right over.

"We've already switched phones," Soobin points out. Kai tilts his head.

"Yeah, but I have an awesomely baroque fireplace," he winks.

Soobin picks up his phone – and it's definitely his phone this time, Kai is slightly disappointed to notice – and shoves it in his pocket.

"Never could resist a good fireplace," Soobin replies, and Kai can't stop himself from giggling.

He knows there's a chance he'll regret it later, that Soobin might not be any better than the last person Kai spent a night with, but he _might_ be, and now isn't later, and now is what matters.


End file.
